Grief is a strange thing. It makes us avoid places that can’t actually hurt us. Because of grief, ordinary objects become a trigger for a fountain of tears. Grief turns a simple photo into a treasured possession. It has no compass or rules, it steals the pleasure from our passions, and it shows up without invitation.
So what are we to do with this sensation of grief when death is an inevitable part of life?
There’s no right or wrong way to adjust to the reality that someone you love is gone — but Anderson .Paak offers listeners a response to their grief on the 12th song of his third studio album, Oxnard.
The song, appropriately titled “Cheers,” is a candidly honest reaction to grief as .Paak and Q-Tip reminisce on deceased friends and celebrate their lives. .Paak reflects on the loss of Mac Miller while Q-Tip reminisces on the death of his best friend and fellow A Tribe Called Quest member, Phife Dawg.
.Paak first met Miller via Twitter, when the late rapper reached out to congratulate .Paak for his work on Dr. Dre’s 2015 album, Compton. This interaction eventually led to a collaboration on Miller’s single, “Dang,” which was on his 2016 album, The Divine Feminine.
“Dang” has an ironic relation to death. The second song on The Divine Feminine is about Miller and .Paak attempting to win back a failed love, which is premised in the chorus sung by .Paak:
I can’t keep on losin’ you over complications
Gone too soon, wait! We was just hangin’
I can’t seem to hold onto, Dang
The people that know me best
The key that I won’t forget, too soon
I can’t keep on losin’ you,
I can’t keep on losin’ you,
.Paak’s chorus was actually written prior to the collaboration and was intended to be about death — he wrote it specifically after the death of his friend and legendary musician, David Bowie. Miller heard the chorus and asked .Paak if he could use it for a song about love, and the rest is history as the chorus has come full circle in light of Miller’s death in 2018.
.Paak opens his first verse on “Cheers” by reflecting on the platform that his musical career has created, as he references what would become his 2019 world tour quintessentially titled Andy’s Beach Club:
I’m workin’ on a world premiere
and I could see the world from here
The 25-stop tour for Oxnard ventured across North America & Europe and sold out at most venues. .Paak weighs his larger-than-life status with feelings of grief from the loss of his friend, Mac Miller:
Music business movin’ too fast for me (God damn)
Wishin’ I still had Mac wit’ me (Yes Lord!)
Isn’t it interesting how grief can rob us of our joy? We can have the world in the palm of our hands, but grief will still leave us feeling empty-handed.
At first thought this void is incredibly depressing, but when you consider the reason for the void, there is some solace to our pain. The void feels so great because we lost something to us that is irreplaceable.
Part of what makes grieving so difficult is when we try to comprehend the fact that someone we love is gone. We can’t bring them back, and we can’t replace them. There’s something to appreciate about a love so valuable that it can’t be replaced — but a love that can’t be replaced is also a pain that we carry with us for the rest of our lives.
“Cheers” does not offer us a solution in the sense that our grief is removed and we can triumphantly rebrand ourselves as pain-free. It does however provide us with a response to our grief that is much more comforting than wishing it didn’t exist.
A minute into the jazzy song .Paak begins to question himself, then the beat switches and .Paak goes from dwelling on his grief to loudly speaking over his guilt. His flow intensifies after the switch, almost as if he’s using the microphone to clear his mind now that he’s got a minute where he’s not stuck in his head.
.Paak follows the vent of his first verse with a sentiment of cheers in the second verse:
I know you somewhere in the atmosphere
I know someday I’ll meet you halfway there (Cheers)
They say there’s nothin’ you can do about it
Can’t say that I’m new to sorrow
Wishin’ I could take your problems
Trade ’em for a little more time wit’chu
Carry you out the bottom, the weight of the world, I got it
Sprouted wit’chu on my shoulder, the greatest honor to know ya
I’d gotta be honest wit’cha, I hate you ain’t in the picture
I hate all them fake n****s claimin’ like they gon’ really miss ya
I know there’s no one to blame and maybe the point that I’m missin’
But I needed a minute, just give me a minute
There’s nothing he can do to bring Miller back, there’s no escaping that pain. But .Paak can appreciate and cherish the time he was able to spend with him and celebrate the privilege it was to call Miller a friend — “the greatest honor to know ya.”
Death is unforgiving. There are few things that can provide comfort upon the realization that you have run out of time with someone you love. But at the very least, we can celebrate their memory and the things that made them so important to us. Still, even with this celebration of life, grief takes its toll. .Paak’s lingering pain is present in the break before Q-Tip adds his verse:
Oh, say it ain’t so!
Tears keep fallin’ down my eyes
Damn it, I miss you, I should be with you
Can’t turn back the hands of time but I should be with you
I miss my friend
Damn it, I miss you
Cannot bring you back
Q-Tip echoes .Paak’s sentiment of cheers as he delivers 24 powerfully honest bars while reminiscing on past memories. The 10-time Grammy-nominated musician spends his verse reflecting on the loss of his childhood friend and bandmate who passed away in 2016.
Q-Tip begins his verse by reminding us that as much as giving cheers is a celebration, it’s also a concession to a pain that we can’t escape: “And I don’t know what to do but reminisce and face the pain.”
Oftentimes we give cheers simply because we don’t know what else to do. When you’re faced with the reality that someone you love is gone, sometimes the best escape is by remembering the joy that they brought you and holding tight to those memories as you work through the realization that they now exist only through those memories.
The legendary Tribe MC then delivers a verse full of his conventional lyricism and philosophy:
I just need a second
It’s Q-Tip in this b***h and I’m just in here reflectin’
Head on collisions with memories in the intersection
Lookin’ in my rearview, wishin’ I could be near you
The freeways of my mind are crowded with traffic
The good times that we had and them bad habits
Look at me now, look around, last man standin’
Grown man cryin’ like a child tryna understand it
So sick of sendin’ flowers to all of my brother’s mommas
Don’t know what’s harder, fightin’ trauma or keepin’ a promise
A true confession breath is a blessin’, without a question
But n****s don’t get the message until they get disconnected
My story ain’t over, I’m still turnin’ pages
But the picture I painted with you in it has faded
Author Anne Lamott captures the contrast of grief in a quote from an article titled “An Homage to Age and Femininity” that was published in Oprah Magazine:
“If you haven’t already, you will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken; and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of a beloved person.
But this is also the good news. They live forever, in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather is cold — but you learn to dance with the limp.”
“Cheers” allows us a break from our sorrow. It doesn’t bring our loved ones back, but it helps their memory live on. We reclaim our joy by celebrating their life rather than focusing on their death. It is a comfort food that provides the sweet taste of nostalgia that helps distract us from the tears rolling down our face. And when we finish our food, our grief remains, but at the very least we’ve been fed enough to make it to the next meal.
